Calm Down and Scribble
January 31, 2024
When I was a Language Arts teacher and gave a writing assignment, some kids would collapse into a panic. I would remind them that, first and foremost, there was NOTHING about my middle school class that was going to ruin their lives and make wretched their destiny. In addition, I would encourage them to tackle the assignment in tiny, unintimidating chunks. Just a sentence to get started. “Once you write one sentence,” I explained, “then one more after that, you’ve made progress. And progress will give you confidence.” I could espouse this wisdom because I lived it as a student, and I’ve lived it every day since. You see, I am a procrastinator with a side of more procrastinator. Because everything feels as huge as a sixth grade essay assignment with a due date hanging over my head.
I have spent the majority of my life panicking about being behind. In EVERYTHING. And the moment I get that feeling of overwhelm about all that needs to be done, I freeze. Freezing is not conducive to being productive, so things continue to back up. I freeze more and then fall asleep or eat cookies. It’s a bad cycle. Being a self-employed comedian is a blessing and a curse in this department, as the expectations of me are pretty simple…show up on time and be funny. That’s it. What I’m doing - or not doing - behind the scenes is assigned to me by me. I put off everything because it feels like too much. WHY does answering emails, posting to social media, organizing my calendar, exercising, drinking enough water and finding an eye doctor feel like climbing Mt. Everest in sneakers? Because I forget my own advice- start with just a sentence (or in my case, an email or finding an eye doctor). “Just one thing, Missy. Just do one thing.” Today, the thing is this blog. I committed to sending out a newsletter monthly, and here we are on January 31…I’ll get it out just under the proverbial wire. Does it matter to anyone but me? Nope. I mean, I hope you enjoy it; I love sharing with you. But do you need it? Nope. I could totally hide and you’d never know. However, I’m working so hard to chisel away at my procrastination and freeze response, so ta da! Here’s your newsletter!
So what’s with the scribble picture? When I was a kid, I LOVED to scribble on a piece of paper in black and then color in all the spaces I’d made. I think I loved it because it centered me, and it wasn’t result oriented. Scribbles are perfect…because they are not supposed to be perfect. They are not supposed to be ANYTHING, actually! You can’t be frazzled or stressed when focusing on a simple activity that isn’t supposed to turn into anything. And what I’ve discovered is after I do one of my scribble coloring sessions, my mind is settled and I feel like a clean slate. I’m actually better off for having taken the time to scribble color! It fills a spot that I would usually reserve for self loathing about how much I wasn’t getting done with something that simply gives me peace and joy- and doesn’t have to BE something at all. Then, somehow, I can write just one sentence. And that one sentence gives me the confidence to write another sentence (which is really a metaphor for answering an email, updating my calendar, or organizing my purse). Progress happens, and progress is what I’m going for. Progress…and maybe one day having my scribble colorings hanging in the MoMa. ;)